Holy Macaroni!

No this isn't a bag of groceries left on the kitchen table! This is what the pharmacist handed me after I paid a bill of $377.00! Holy Macaroni!

I've never seen so many meds for one person at pickup in my whole entire life!









Here they are! All of the meds (minus 3) that I will have to endure over the next month for our IVF. So far we are scheduled to have it the week of August 17th.

The boxes are filled with viles of hormones, the pill bottles are pain meds and antibiotics, and the ziplock bags are my syringes and needles.







Look at the size of that needle!! Its as long as my little finger. Pat took one look at it and told me he was going to vomit. I have to admit that when I saw the bag full of these I felt a little sick to my stomach.









Pick your poison. Oh wait I have to pick all 4! Depending on what week it is I will have anywhere from 1 to all 4 of these every day.

WARNING: Stay away from Laura on the 4 injection days!

If you thought PMS was bad with women you are around or work with wait till you experience one that is injecting hormones into her body! It's PMS x 12~



Here's a sample of one of the drugs and the little vials we get to use.












I just thought I would share with all of you my lovely meds that have taken over the fridge and cupboard space :)

Time to de-stress and get organized!

Over the next two months Pat and I will be in another world, another frame of mind, another planet! Dont worry, we have to de-stress and get organized. During the months of July & August we will be on a very strict schedule!

We are schedule to have our IVF the week of August 17th! Throughout July and August we have a daily schedule we have to live by. This schedule is filled with timed medications and injections.

Throughout these 2 months we will need all the support and understanding we can get!

I have included above the begining of our journey with a picture of our July Calendar. At first glance it looks busy. Wait till you see August below!
















So here it is...August! Everyday has something going on!














To do an IVF procedure there is a very strict schedule to follow. Here it is!

















Above is a list of almost all of my meds. Yes, I said almost! There are 4 more not on this list!

















And of course you cant do the IVF meds without the syringes and needles.
40 - 1/2" cc insulin syringes
32 - 16 ga 1 1/2" needles w/3cc syringes
16 - 22ga 1 1/2" needles
15 - 3cc syringes with leur-lock, no needles.

Saturday Im going to pick up all the meds! They called last night to let me know they didn't have one of the meds in stock and were looking for an alternative. They also shared with me that they didn't have enough syringes & needles on hand to fill my order so they had to order more to fill the order and restock their shelves. UGH!

So I thought my day was done and I could go home after work and relax...Nope not in the Clouse House. Emma and Turbo decided that they had a taste for some Nad's Mellow Melon hair removal cream while we were gone.

I came home to find little over half of the bottle gone! I quickly called the Pet Poison Hotline and $35 later I was told that if our dogs were going to eat hair removal creme they picked a good brand. This creme was the least corrosive and wouldn't damage their belly's. They might have a burning mouth and throat for a bit but we were safe for now.

As soon as I got off the phone with the helpful lady I took them both outside and sprayed them off with the hose. Now we just have to sit, wait, and watch as their hair falls out.

Behind our playlist

Island in the sun, all I can think about is our honeymoon. We went on a cruise to the Cayman Islands and Cozumel Mexico. The cruise was awesome! There is nothing better than listening to tropical music while relaxing in the sun with no worries. Our first song on our playlist is in memory of our honeymoon. Every time I hear this song I think of the employees of the cruise ship walking up to us asking us by Mr. & Mrs. Clouse and if we needed anything. While on our honeymoon we were never without the entire time. It was awesome. God how I wish I had a maid!




During our honeymoon we stopped off at the Cayman Islands. The main island. We really didn't do much. We went to Senior Frogs, ordered the largest margarita on the menu and enjoyed it as Mr. & Mrs.!

















Island in the sun, gotta love it~







One More Time! I think of how I would love to be able to renew our vows and dance to this song. Cut loose, look back at our past and enjoy our future!






































Just Dance...This song was added to our playlist because it has a beat that just makes me want to get up and dance. When Pat and I started to date we fell in love instantly. I can't explain how it happened and how things happened. This song just has a catchy beat. I hear it and I just want to dance, I want to dance to everything! Ive never wanted to dance like this since meeting Pat.































Heartbeats...there is something about this song that is so amazing. I feel love, security, protection, and piece of mind when I hear this song. After I married Pat I felt so safe and secure. This song reminds me of the protection and love I receive from Pat.


























































Let Your Love Flow...Well as most of you know Pat and I got married in Vegas. Yes it was planned. Actually Pat decided for us that he wanted it to be a year to the date of his proposal in Vegas. Thanks Pat! It made things so much easier in planning!! Now back to the song. This was the first song Pat and I danced to as Mr. & Mrs. Clouse. We were in the lobby of the hotel and my dad knew the piano player who was playing that night, he sang Let Your Love Flow the best he could as Pat and I danced without a flaw throughout the lobby of the hotel. Not a care in the world, not a worry to be thought, we were Mr & Mrs.

We Miss Pat!

Laying out in the sun just isn't that same without him.



Turbo misses his kisses



And I miss his unexpected bouts of energy and outlook on life


Pat flew out to Utah today to visit with his family. I've included his license picture for all to see and if you see him tell him his family in Michigan misses him!

A long road in the making

So you might be asking yourself what on earth is this a picture of? What is the long road in the making?

Well many of you know Pat and I have tried to start a family for quite some time now. I feel that it is very therapeutic for me to talk about it and inform people as much as possible what we are going through so they can understand the process.

Through out our journey we have had to resort to fertility meds. They are not fun! I have to give myself a shot certain days of the month and take pills that make my body hurt and I swell up like a balloon. I have gained 23 pds in 6 months!

Throughout this journey Pat and I decided that if the meds do not work we wanted to still have a family and that is when we decided to become Foster Parents. We are still in the process of getting our license. We were told our only possible way to become pregnant would to have an IVF. Well we couldn't do it financially so that helped us push harder and move forward with the foster foundation. As soon as we signed up to become foster parents, the money arrived for the IVF and we are scheduled to have it the end of July or the beginning of August.

We could go from 0 kids to 2 or 3!! Watch out!!!

So travel through this journey I thought I would take you down the long road and show you a few pictures of what some of the meds are . Viewer discreation is advised! Needles involved.

The picture above at the beginning of this post is our sharps container. It sits way up high on the top of our cabinet where it is out of reach even to me. Pat's job during this is to prep all my injections and help get the meds and supplies ready.

I must tell you, Pat has a huge fear of needles but he steps up to the plate and does a wonderful job getting them ready for me.

Our fridge has become the local pharmacy. No longer do we store butter in this shelf in the fridge. It is always filled with some sort of injection.



My Gonal-f RFF Pen. This is an injection pen that is prefilled and I can use it up to 7 times. I give one injection every night of 75UI in my belly. Its not too bad. The needle is so sharp and thin that it goes right in and it doesnt hurt too bad.


Here's the pen. There is a dial that you turn to give the correct dose. All the little caps are new needles that you put on for each dose.


Pat, pretending to give himself a shot. Of course there is no needle!!



Here is Pat prepping the injection. To prep it you have to wipe the tip of the pen with alcohol then put the needle on. Make sure there are no bubbles and if there are he has to tap the cartridge until they travel to the top and then push the button until there is a tiny amount of fluid that comes out.


Ugh, the needle. Its small a little longer than a thumb tac.


Ouch, there's my swollen belly.


Here is my Ovidrel injection. This one hurts! Im not going to lie! I usually get a nasty bruise from it. The fluid is much thicker so there is a thicker needle. Luckily this injection is given only once and its one of the most important ones. This one will make me ovulate all the little eggs that the Gonal-F had me produce.


Here it is. I hate that shot!

I hope by sharing with you an evening of meds in the Clouse House has helped you understand some of the stuff we are experiencing. We have our good days and we have our bad days. We look forward to what the future holds for us in the next couple of months. There are children out there waiting and will hopefully be placed with us soon. Also the IVF journey will be hard but we are ready!

Thanks again for all of the support.

Safety Town in the Clouse House

So this past Tuesday Pat and I had our "walk-through" of our house to become Foster Parents. I went into OCD mode the week prior and cleaned the house top to bottom. I was so stressed over the fact that a complete stranger was going to come into our home and analyze the way we lived. She was going to tell us what needed to be fixed and what was ok.

I made due with what we could fix, what I could clean, and what I would be able to accept. To be honest I wanted to put the house in a bubble and wrap the entire contents of it in bubble wrap! Well that wasn't going to happen so I did what I could and....we passed!!!! We passed with flying colors! Our contact through the foundation made notes while she walked around, made little comments about our "safety" features, and filled out our check off list. During the walk-through she was so impressed that she wanted to pick up a few things for her own home and add some things to the check-off list for future foster homes.

I was so happy when she told us she had never seen a home so ready like ours. She even told us she wanted to expedite our application. She told us we were the poster family for their foundation and she couldn't wait to place us.

So after the walk-through I took a few pictures to show all of you a couple of safety features we added to the Clouse House. The above picture is of our stove. Awesome invention. I no longer have a fear of bumping our gas oven and accidentally moving one of the burner's on.


In every single electrical outlet we have plugs!



My old office has been transformed into a playroom. These kids are set! We have a little TV, a V-Smart, blocks, books, and a little table to do arts and crafts :)



Our laundry room. This was a huge concern for me since this is where we kept a majority of our cleaning supplies. Pat came to the rescue and installed shelves above our washer. The cleaning supplies are now out of reach...even to me!